eat less, exercise more.

Today I ventured out to audible.com in search for...yes...a "book on tape", which in today's world is a mp3. To my amazement, those audible books are pricey! But, I was suckered in to a 30-day free trial which resulted in 2 free audible books. I decided to check this out because a) I want to read more but don't have the time (good excuse, I know) and b) I wanted to go to the gym but hate it, so figured I'd try and audible book to distract me. (I tried reading a normal book and an eBook but I can't seem to read and run at the same time. Epic fail.) (also, I will dive deeper into this whole gym hating attitude later on)

So after waiting 30 minutes for my iPad to update, sync, back up and reboot, I had Bossypants and Eat, Pray, Love synched and I was off to the gym. I hate the gym. I actually just quit the gym because it was sucking my bank account dry and I only went twice last month. I heard that the hardest part of working out is actually going to the gym. In some ways I would agree with that, but I also hate working out. I can't justify the price for what I actually use. See ya Snap Fitness. And because I am so not a procrastinator, I quit the gym too late last month, so they billed me for April already. Awesome. Proves I am a great quitter. 

With my month of April remaining on my gym membership, I decided to go do something productive-since I had some "down time" (I really should have done laundry and cleaned my room, but whatever. Life is about choices.) I decided to ease back into things so I speed walked uphill for 30 minutes while listening to Tina Fay and watching Ringer on silent. Meanwhile, (to set the stage) two middle aged men ran for 30 minutes, completely drenched in sweat. Real encouraging guys. Thanks.

As I walked, while having a death grip on the treadmill handlebars, I got to thinking about how much I hate the gym. It smelled like sweat first of all. The air was pretty much recycled sweat and body odor. I hate having to chalk out 2 hours of my day to go. Now that doesn't mean I am working out for 2 hours, you have to consider driving time, preparation and then clean up. As a girl, you HAVE to shower after working out for several reasons, but in this case, I am referring to the makeup and hair. Such a task to work out. And it's boring to me. Not one ounce of me enjoys it. Its mind boggling how long 30 minutes seems when you are running, walking or elliptical-ing(?).  I'd rather watch paint dry or sit through a history lecture.

I want to be healthy. I do. And I do like being active. I like sports. I'd play basketball or kickball or something. I hate running though. Which is probably a good explanation for me quitting basketball and picking up golf once I hit high school (no running there!).  It's hard to not work out though at the same time. I get all stiff feeling - after all I sit at a desk for 40 hours a week. And if I don't work out then I end up gaining weight and things start to "fall into place". One of my best friends who is 2 years older than me said to me in a conversation once "how old are you again?" me:"24" friend:"Yup, when I turned 24, things started to fall into place too". Armpit rolls, back rolls, rolls around the bra... basically any place that elastic or waistbands touch, things start to bulge. It's disappointing, discouraging and a little heart wrenching to see yourself transform into something you thought you would forever avoid. 

Ughh. This realization of myself hasn't been new though. It's been about a year of trying, failing, trying again, and little success. Am I huge? No. I can still fit in my favorite skinny jeans and wear my same pretty dresses. Do I look great? No. I don't think so. This year was the first time that I purchased a tankini - afraid to show off my lovely upperbody. But my boyfriend still calls me pretty and likes to be seen with me which means he's not appalled by me. But I'm also not going to hold myself up to the unrealistic idea of myself being blonde and a size 4 again (I do miss those days though). I want to lose weight, yes.  I want to work out, yes. So my question is, how do I change my attitude of hating the gym? I would love to wake up early, hit the gym, go to work and then do laundry and make dinner :) I would totally kill to be able to wake up and run outside before the world awakes and return to my home for a cup of coffee. Enjoy the mornings and not be rushed. The problem with this is the fact that it is nearly impossible for me to run outside. I think I don't run correctly or something. I can't breathe right and my shins kill when my feet hit the concrete. The other issues is I love my sleep and I am the hardest person to wake in the morning. So we have a little pickle now, don't we! Such a battle I have with myself. (Pretty sure that was just a laundry list of excuses- don't judge.)

After the gym I realized that I never ate dinner. Which was surprising because I got home from the gym at 10pm and the only thing I had for lunch was Club crackers and this strange tuna mix that I made (fat free ranch (because I hate mayo), tuna and pickles- sounds like a pregnant lady's craving). I opened the fridge and found an astonishing....nothing. So I ended up having cottage cheese and an english muffin with strawberry jam- and water. Bleh. 

I think this is long enough of me ranting about my poor eating habits and inability to attend the gym with a happy face. We'll see how things go.

la ta di da...Eat less, exercise more.