the life i live

going home is a funny thing. i love it and dislike it all at the same time. i miss it and i would gladly forget it all at the same time. going home HOME is great. my parents still reside in the home i was born and raised in. our home is surrounded by corn fields and trees. our home sits up on a little hill where in the summer sweet peas and day-lilies grow. our home is perfect on a summer night. you can sit on the deck and watch the lightning bugs come out to play. the kittens pounce on June bugs. you can smell bon fire smoke and see the stars. only in the distance can you see city lights. all is perfect.

so why dislike it? outside our humble love-filled home is a town that hasnt changed. its weird to have lived in that town for 18 years. you've grown up with the same people for 18 years. and the town hasnt changed in 18 years. so to leave for only 4 years for college and come back and have it be the same as it was 4 years ago...its like time stood still. almost. it's like life kept on at the same pace as it did when you left. people you graduated with and knew for 18 years are married to each other, have kids with each other, own houses in the town you knew for so long...and you....you went to college. you got out and left it behind. so a quick visit home feels like you are now the sore thumb. you stand out now. the people you once knew so well now simply glance at you, possibly acknowledge your existence and maybe even play the small-talk "how are you? what have you been up to?" game. and in all honesty, how do you catch up on 5 years with someone you haven't spoken with since you were handed your diploma? its awkward more than anything. you just feel really out of place in what was once the most comforting place to be - home.

growing up in the country was amazing and i wouldnt have changed it for the world. thats why its a funny thing. when i think about where i want to be, where i want to raise a family in the future, a big part of me desires to replicate the life i had. i had, and still do have, phenomenal parents who have set an example of what its like to be down to earth and a splitting image of what its like to be a servant of the Lord. now i might have a very one-sided view on this, but i feel like there is something about being in the country that allows you to appreciate and reflect on the life you have built for yourself. i feel like you can really appreciate the beauty of the life God gave you when you can smell it, taste it, and see it as the sun rises and falls against the green earth- not a sky scraper or highway.. you cant find that peace and quiet very easily in the city, in town, under the bright lights that block your view from the stars.

there are a lot of great things about the city. about living near town. i mean right now i can run over to meijer in less than 5 minutes. if i were living back at home, it would take 25-30 minutes. thats a long jolt just to get some groceries. i can be to work in 10-15 minutes where as before it would be about an hour drive. i can be to the mall in 15 minutes now. big whoop. the things i miss the most is sitting outside. enjoying the quietness. the smell of fresh cut grass and watching the corn grow. being able to chuck a ball out into the field and watch my dog bounce through the corn field...its the simple things that make life for meaningful. its those simple things that i miss the most.

but i am here. living in a quaint small town just outside the state's capitol. i am here living a the hustle and bustle of life. dealing with traffic and construction vs. tractors and animals. i have an apartment and bills. i have no pets, no back yard, and no corn fields to watch the sun sink into. i have this change of pace. this new life outside of the country. and in a few years, i think i will have decided which route i want to go: city life or country life.

la ta di da...the life i live