you're the reason i lose sleep at night.

what a weird week it has been. maybe its just me or maybe you too have felt like this week has really been long! i never liked this saying, but TGIF. seriously. this week was weird for a number of reasons.

1. i am still recovering from a weird bug from last week. sleeping was a bit off because of it. waking up with a dry throat and pressure around my eyes. thankfully, i feel 97% back to normal. my throat still feels weird sometimes. i wish it would just be done with. 
2. i havent' had much of an appetite. which is odd in itself. [ha.] i have been starving, then go to eat, and desire to eat no more than maybe 5 or 6 bites of whatever. thankfully today i forced myself to eat some TBell and was pleasantly fulfilled with a soft taco and a crunchwrap supreme. 
3. i have been on approximately 3 dates in the last week [with the same person-not 3 different people-just to clarify]. i have grown to be a bit of a sleep hog during the work week in this so-called adult life of mine, so these 3 outings is quite out of character- considering 2 of the 3 outings were on week nights [oh heavens!]. so clearly things are going well [knock on wood]. it has been so fun to get to know this person. taking it easy, and playing everything by ear - but its fun nonetheless. this may take a toll on my sleeping habits. 
4. i had this incredibly heavy dream about kyle on tuesday. i felt so odd the next morning. and still feel a bit strange. it felt so real. ever have that happen? when you have a dream of someone who has passed and you feel like it was so real that when you wake up, you are literally shaken. taken straight back to that feeling when you initially found out they just died. that was me on wednesday. it was awful. felt like someone threw a 20lb yoga ball straight at my chest. it took me a minute to realize that it was just a dream [not to quote Nelly.] dreams are weird weird weird. i had some pretty nerveracking dreams when i was a sophomore all the way to my senior year of college. so much that it would mess me up for days. i would dwell over them. get back to what was considered "normal" for me at the time, then another one would rock my world.  they were usually about kyle or the [unnamed] exboyfriend. i spent so many hours trying to untangle them and determine their meaning. i remember being thankful for the nights where i slept and couldnt remember what the dream was. a peaceful night's sleep was all i wanted, since everything reminded me of kyle and the [unnamed] exboyfriend. cars, food, spots on campus, friends, music... it seemed like everything tied back to them. the fact that i lost both of them at the same time. i guess that is reason enough for them to rule my dreams i suppose.  i also remember waking up hurt and frustrated over whatever happened in the dreams. also frustrated with God because i couldnt figure out why i was having these dreams and why they wouldnt go away. i was trying to heal and forgive myself and others and these dreams kept popping up on my radar-making the process far more difficult. i still wonder what the purpose of them was and why i kept having them. now i am thankful i only have the occasional kyle dream and that most nights i pass out and sleep like a rock.
5. can i just mention this 8.9 earthquake and all the crazy mother-nature beatings on the world right now? and to think we wake up and hear about this stuff on the news, something that only happened a few precious hours before? heart wrenching.
6. my niece can talk! last week she couldn't. now she can. holy smokes. she can say "up". and she knows where her nose is and her hair... i mean, this kid is pretty amazing. being an aunt is so awesome. i love her so much - as if she were my own child. i can't even imagine how my sister feels. how rewarding. God made life so interesting for us. 
7. it is confirmed as of this week. i am speaking at FOCUS Series at SAU. again on social media. i have to tweak my presentation and review what i want to say, but this will be my second speaking engagement. ugh, how adult and professional! who knew i would do this. i have two workshops. each workshop is approximately one hour.
8. and to tie my list together, this week i had one cup of coffee. just one. i have tried to avoid it since i am working diligently on being healthy again from being sick last week. surprisingly i haven't suffered from caffeine headaches. instead i have stuck with water and tea. and OJ of course.

there you have it. a list of things that made this week feel a tad abnormal. 

la ta di da... you're the reason i lose sleep at night.