the ghost of the past will always be with you.

what you may not know about me.

i have the secret fascination of abandoned and fore closed houses. obviously it is no longer a secret but you get the point. something about them just triggers my curiosity. those houses were probably once homes, filled with laughter and memories or tears and conversations that were never meant to be had. and now either no one owns them or the government owns them.

i have always found abandoned houses a bit intriguing but now with the economy taking a turn for the worst, i wonder what ever happened to the family? what happened that made them abandon their house?

i found this most interesting when i started to see houses in my community be left, filled with their belongings. there is this one house not to far from my parents, and it was just left. like the family packed what they could and left what wouldnt fit. then, the government i assume, or some authority, came and threw all their belongings into the yard in a big junk pile. a few weeks later the "junk" was in a dumpster.

over the summer, i watched this house go from bad to worse. the weeds started to over take the basketball court that i once saw kids 1/2 my age play basketball on.

so weird to think that you are old enough to finally understand these things in life. and wish that you were young and innocent and couldnt fathom the hardships in life. i know i am young enough still that there are things i have yet to learn and experience. but i am old enough that i can grasp these concepts.

when i was in high school, i experienced some death and some heartbreak. i understood it. i understood that it was a part of life. subconsciously, i chose to not let it effect me to the point where it would change me.

i hit college and life rocked my world. i experienced what it felt like to really lose someone, in death and in heartbreak. i saw first hand how the death of a family member, a friend, can effect someone and the community. it didnt seem like until i was in college that i was allowed to really feel. i allowed myself to REALLY feel. i dont think i wanted to feel to the extent that i did. it happened naturally. if i could have prevented myself from being THAT effected i would have.

i remember my freshman year of college. my two best friends had someone pass away that they were really close to. i thought "i'm next". i am going to lose someone close to me. in the back of my mind it always bothered me. but then i thought i was being superstitious. but it was true. i was next. then sophomore year happened and i felt so much that i would forever wish that no one feel that hard again.

in a way, sophomore year prepared me for life. in a way it made me numb. like when your arm falls asleep when you yourself are sleeping. you are so tired that your mind is foggy and you can't quite comprehend what is going on. you think your arm is asleep but you;re not sure if youre dreaming.

well ladies and gents i am finally starting to feel a tingle in my arm. it's still a bit numb though. and i think it will take someone incredible to wake my arm 100%.

until then, it's a good tingle.